If tucking your loved ones into bed over a story about child theft wasn’t controversial enough, new evidence has surfaced suggesting the pied pipers pipe wasn’t one of music, but infact smoke.
A false wall revealing an early prototype e-cigarette, a list of customers from nearby towns and what appears to be 12 cans of Kestrel super lager tops the host of new compelling evidence leaving historians utterly baffled.
Rather than music it has now been suggested that the piper used scented e-cigarette smoke to entice kids desperate for a drag, despite initially attempting to debunk the new discoveries historians have now agreed this is entirely logical, Professor Freer of the RSL* University made a statement this afternoon.
‘These findings certainly do make sense to us, it’s preposterous that someone would be able to wander down the street lining up children with a flute without being noticed, I suppose the modern day equivalent would be Gary Glitter marching down a street playing ‘do you wanna be in my gang’ it’s simply inconceivable, furthermore nobody likes flute music even back then, I mean have you heard Enya? They’re absolutely shit.’
Some parents may be especially unhappy at this, it may see the end to the popular tale being used to silence gullible young kids whinging for a playstation 4, though I dare say a child hungry super-lager-swilling ciggy salesman poses a significantly greater threat to your kids than a musical nonce in brightly coloured robes.
Long may the tale continue then.
@MilkmanHero
*Royal Super Lager University, based in Glasgow.
